There are all kinds of Pokemon cards out there. There’s the big lads who do whopping damage, but offer your opponents two prize cards if they faint you in return. They’ll be the ex cards, the ones you see fetching high prices online. Then there’s the support cards – in my day this was the likes of Shaymin ex but I haven’t played in a while so I’m not even sure if that’s legal any more – which either help you draw, or otherwise facilitate, your strategy.
There are mill decks and stall decks, there are trainers, energies, and supporters which all have a variety of roles. Then there’s the collector cards, the alt arts and golden rares which are for display or flexing in their sleeves more than putting in your deck. There are all kinds of Pokemon cards out there, but not many of them beg to be thrown away quite like this one.
Imakuni?’s Doduo was a bonus card in XY Evolutions set, based on the Japanese version released earlier in Challenge from the Darkness back in 1999. It’s the same set that brought us Bilingual Exeggutor, Flying Pikachu, Surfing Pikachu (clearly Pika picked up many hobbies during this period), and Here Comes Team Rocket!. It was the game’s 20th anniversary, so many weird and wonderful cards were released in various promotions. One such card was Imakuni?’s Doduo.
You can see immediately that this isn’t a normal card just by looking at the artwork. Instead of a beautifully drawn portrait, it’s more of a scribble in the vague shape of a Doduo, like the artist drew it from memory or with a blindfold on. And then there’s the weird trainer trying to catch it, what’s that about? Well, the bold text at the top will tell you that he’s Imakuni?, the man with punctuation in his name, and the creature he’s trying to catch is his Doduo.
Imakuni? is a singer known for the Pokemon TCG adverts in Japan. He was the first person to ever have their photo on a Pokemon card, when Imakuni? was released in 1997, given away with issues of CoroCoro magazine. He wears little mouse ears, looks creepier than Mr. Mime, and reportedly gave the card away at events he attended in costume. The Japanese text on the card was translated in the Pokemon Trading Card Game for Game Boy Color, and says: “Your Active Pokémon is now Confused. Imakuni wants you to play him as a Basic Pokémon, but you can't. A mysterious creature not listed in the Pokédex. He asks kids around the world, ‘Who is cuter-Pikachu or me?’” I wouldn’t let him near my child, that’s for sure.
Anyway, back to his Doduo. While the art looks like a toddler’s been allowed a go on the Pokemon TCG designing machine on Bring Your Kid To Work Day, the attack is even stranger. Harmonize does 30 damage, but the text has some weird stipulations. “From the moment you use this attack, you must begin to sing a song,” it says. “(While the song is being sung, the game continues.) When the song is finished, this attack does 30 damage.”
I don’t know if there are any strategies that involve singing for a whole turn, then bringing out a bigger and better card to give its attack a 30-damage buff, but rules are rules. No song, no damage. If you wanted to employ this weird strategy for some reason, though, you’d have to retreat with Doduo (I’m not typing out the full name every time, sorry not sorry), which requires using its Pokemon Power.
“When this Doduo retreats, hold this card and throw it as hard as you can because Doduo is running away. Throw the card horizontally with a snap to get the farthest distance!” Right. It doesn’t tell you specifically to fling this card at your opponent, but if you’re sat across the table from someone while you battle, as is usual for card games, they’re right in the firing line. I like how it gives you throwing tips, but it doesn’t stipulate what happens next. Do you go and pick it up and place the card on your bench? Is it considered fainted or banished? There are no rules for yeeted cards, I checked.
There are a bunch of other Imakuni? cards from various promotions through the years, but Doduo is the most fun. Shining Imakuni? turns all prize cards face up, Imakuni?'s Exploud ex forces you to confess any hidden feelings for your opponent or you can’t attack, Imakuni?'s Whismur is a complete paradox that prevents you and your opponent from opening your mouths more than one centimeter but requires you to whisper into your opponent’s ear to attack, and Imakuni?'s Nasty Plot (which preceded the move in the games by some years) lets you remove damage counters from your Pokemon while your opponent isn’t looking. It’s a wild series which could either be great fun or incredibly annoying, depending on the opponent.
It’s probably for the best that these cards aren’t tournament legal (the last one isn’t even allowed in standard battles), otherwise it would be carnage. Can you imagine a hall full of players singing, shouting, throwing cards as hard as they can, or doing whatever else Imakuni? instructed them to do? Chaos. There’s another universe where these cards were legal and meta-defining, and Imakuni? becomes some kind of cult leader in the Pokemon TCG community, at some point staging a hostile takeover of The Pokemon Company, after which every card has his name prefixed and its moves comedically altered.
Alternatively, that could still happen in this universe. Who knows the power of Imakuni? and his Doduo?