I probably won't finish Tears of the Kingdom. This isn't a comment on the game's quality, or even my overall enjoyment with it. I'm not sure I'm far enough in to come to that sort of conclusion about it yet. It's just a prediction - I persisted with Breath of the Wild for 20 hours, enjoying parts, tolerating most, being bored by others, and eventually gave up. I've only just left the Great Sky Islands in Tears of the Kingdom, and so far it's giving me the same sensation - I just feel nothing, and when the game is an 80 hour long playground where you do whatever you want, mostly what I want is to play something else. But skateboards intrigue me.
Already there are things I'm hearing about Tears of the Kingdom that I'm hopeful will land better than Breath of the Wild. I didn't really like the bombs, or the Divine Beasts, but I'm enjoying messing around with Ultrahand and a classic dungeon is perfect video game fodder. Most interesting are the reports that the game is far less lonely than its predecessor. Not only does this mean more time with characters, usually my favourite part of any story, but ideally means a little more direction and something pushing me forward, even if that thing is not the main quest. The prospect of becoming Hyrule's paper boy means far more to me than saving the world.
Here's where the skateboards come in. Breath of the Wild's whole philosophy is 'go anywhere, do anything', but whether it's wandering aimlessly or riding on horseback, I don't find that too interesting. I'm all about the call to adventure. But in Tears of the Kingdom, all I hear is the call to be one sick ass bitch.
I don't really understand the Fuse ability in Tears of the Kingdom yet. I'm still learning why it's interesting. Ultrahand I get - even if I can't make contraptions myself, I see the possibilities unspooling in front of me. Fuse just seems like that, but worse. I can make my weapons a bit longer to add some extra damage, but that feels dangerously close to the Destiny style '5.6 percent power boost' malarky. The one thing that does make sense to me though is that I can Fuse a mining cart to my shield, and suddenly I have a skateboard.
When I say 'make sense', I'm lying. It makes no sense that when a full size mining cart is Fused to my shield it also shrinks down to the size of a skateboard, but I'm not complaining. What this means is whenever Link rides his shield, what he's actually riding is a skateboard, letting him swerve downhill but also trick his way across flat terrain like a punk teenager. You can grind on rails, and while there's no Tony Hawk-style 720 Christ Air into a McTwist into a Double Heelflip going on, you can jump and spin and perform a passable facsimile of the THPS gameplay formula.
It's simple, but this really is all it takes for me. Walking around looking for things to discover is boring. Riding around on a horse looking for things to discover is boring. Rolling around on a skateboard looking for things to discover is cool as funk. It's as simple as that. I understand, academically, that Tears of the Kingdom probably has a vibrant, engaging, intelligent world waiting for me to explore its edges and prod at its systems. Breath of the Wild had the same and it left me cold. I just didn't want to be in a world that made me feel so little. Letting me feel so little while skidding downhill on a skateboard is the perfect antidote.
I might not finish Tears of the Kingdom. I might not get close. Other games may pull me away, and Tears of the Kingdom might never lure me back. There was nothing for me in Breath of the Wild's Hyrule after all. But Tears of the Kingdom has a skateboard with my name on it, and that might be enough. If I ever discover Zelda's magic, it will be thanks to Tony Hawk.